The Ugly Paradise

"I will teach my daughter not to wear her skin like a drunken apology. I will tell her ‘make a home out of your body, live in yourself, do not let people turn you into a regret, do not justify yourself. If you are a disaster it is not forever, if you are a disaster you are the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen. Do not deconstruct from the inside out, you belong here, you belong here, not because you are lovely, but because you are more than that.’"

Azra T. “Your hands are threads, your body is a canvas” (via muskuraahat)

(Source: 5000letters, via lovelikeogkush)

Perspective

Lately I’ve realised many things about myself and you have helped me a lot through that process. I am the most depressed that I have ever been in my entire life. Although there may be many events that have lead to such unhappiness, I have allowed this to happen to myself, of this I am completely aware. I have changed so drastically in the past twelve months that I have made myself mentally, physically, and emotionally ill. This illness has affected those closest to me, you especially, and for this I am deeply sorry.

I have grown unhappy with most of my relationships but particularly ours. And although it is much easier to put the blame all on you I will not because I know that I have been the source of most of my unhappiness within this relationship. I cannot continue unhappily.

Once upon a time I strove to be the girl who was known for not taking shit from anyone, but now this is no longer true. I have compromised most of my beliefs and adapted my views. I have become a person that I do not like. I used to not mind being alone in complete solitude, but now I cannot bear to be by myself. It is too uncomfortable to be confined to someone you nearly hate, especially when that person is someone you have complete control over and can change.

Once upon a time I was the girl who did what I wanted, when I wanted, because I wanted and that made me happy because not many girls gave less fucks than I. I knew no shame, and now it seems that all I know is shame.

I have changed in these ways because I saw that they made you uncomfortable but the more I changed the more comfortable you became and the less happiness I felt.

Today, I decided that I would go on a quest and begin writing a new chapter in my book of life. My objective: to re-encounter the joy and happiness that I once knew. Sadly, this is a journey in which I may not have a companion. We met at a crossroad and continued down the same path together. But I cannot continue to follow you down your path to your chosen destiny. We have reached a new crossroads and I believe that it is time for us to split.

This does not mean that I do not love you and that I do not want the best for you. It just means that I am beginning love myself more and that I finally want the best for myself. I do not want you or anyone else to think that I have given up, because I have not. I have just moved on. This transition will be hard, without a doubt, but it is nothing that we are not capable of doing. I just ask that you respect my decisions because I respect you and your opinion. You are truly one of my BEST friends. I am very sorry that it has taken me so long to put all of my thoughts into perspective and I am very sorry if I have hurt you threw this. I chose to write this because I feel that it is the only way that I can communicate all of my important thoughts to you in a way that makes sense to me.

Understand that you are not able to sympathise with me. I hope that you never will be able to sympathise with me because that would mean that you would have endured the same darkness as I. Understand that this is not goodbye, this is simply farewell.

Farewell

  • You're tired of being sad and lonely and neglected.
  • No one seems to understand what it feels like.
  • When you're in a dark place no one understands.
  • And as long as you allow yourself to cry your light with not shine.
  • Tonight you wipe tears and you close those doors.
  • Tonight your light will shine and you will see all that was blurry before.
  • You will understand and you will grow.
  • But first you must bid farewell to the darkness you have allowed restrain you.